Meanderings through a Troubled Mind

The pills held so tight
in the palm of my hands
dissolve under the deluge 
of tears rolling down my cheeks...

The edge of the blade
glints in the fading sunlight
as the smell of gun oil
reeks through the room
clogging my senses 
and fogging my brain

The rhythmic squeaking 
of the swinging rope
lulls me into a daze
as the ceiling fan lazily turns

Should I give in to these urges?
Or let life guide me slowly
Until the end is all that is left?

Reflections on Death

Often I wonder, what does Death feel like?

Is it merely the flick of a switch? First you are on and then you are off?

Or is it a gradual seeping of ice in your veins, spreading from the feet up?

Perhaps it feels as though someone is pulling off the layers of your life, one mistake at a time, the same way we pull of layers of clothes?

Maybe it is a slowly consuming flame that only burns brighter with each attempt to extinguish it?

Do we really see a light at the end of the tunnel?

Are the Angels on standby to play the harp as our souls ascend to Heaven?

Or perchance, those riotous demons are starting a Mexican Wave as they cheer our souls descending into Hell?

What if, despite it being written as our most "painful" experience, it is really our most liberating experience?

This world is a transient state, that we all know...

But, is Death the mode of transport or the actual journey...?

Are we really aware that our time is up in this Earthly domain...

Or does the Angel of Death just yell:  "Surprise! Road trip!" when He comes to collect us?

How much does that trip really cost us?

We save for other trips; have we begun saving for this most important trip?

Even if we do plan, are all our preparations ever going to be enough?

Have we started planning too late?

When Malakal Maut comes knocking, will we be ready? Or just ready to hide...?

So many questions...Not one answer...