Performance of a fool...

When you look my way,

What is it that you see?

Do you see the coldness

that surrounds my heart?

Or are you fooled

by the warmth of my smile?

Do you see the emptiness

lurking within my eyes?

Or are you fooled

by the completeness of my words?

When you gaze upon this made up face,

are you fooled by the illusion of perfection?
Do you even notice the gouges created

by the scalding tears that race down my cheeks when I am alone?

When you hear my thoughts,

do you even know

what it is that I am going through?

Or are you content

to continue being fooled

by my misleading laughter?

I play the fool,

You enjoy the show,

What goes on within,

You will never know…

~Shamshaad~

Hiding in Darkness

These morbid thoughts
Swirling within my psyche
Of death and destruction
And sadness so vast...
Pictures of darkness
And rivers of tears...

I am trapped within
This endless carousel
Of shadowy fiends,
Bound by my fears
Compelled by my insecurities

Forever running
Hiding
Too scared to face
The light

Guilty Conscience...

These burdens

On my weary soul

Have isolated

My mind

And

Detached

My emotions

My link

To myself

Has been severed

By the Slave Master

That is

My CONSCIENCE

He is cruel

He never hesitates

To bring forth his whip

At the slightest

Misdemeanour

And poor me

Naïve me

Constantly

I forget

The sting

Of punishment

Repeatedly,

I pursue

The same

Iniquity…

~Shamshaad~

Emotional Rollercoaster...

Powerful emotions

Surge through

My tormented soul

An uncontrollable inferno

From the deepest pit

Of my shattered heart

The flames dance

Macabre silhouettes

Racing to the finish

This all consuming

RAGE

Deafening thunder

A storm of such magnitude

Ripped from my bleeding eyes

Unending whispers

All around me

Closing in

Drowning me

In _sorrow

~Shamshaad~

A vision of Loneliness

There are days

When this loneliness

Overwhelms me

Like a silken sheet

Flowing over me

With no end

And no beginning

It grips me tight

And holds me close

Making me realize

The potential

For both

My darkest fear

And

My deepest comfort

And in that comfort

I find despair

And in that fear

I seek refuge

Dare I hope

To find a way out?

Dare I seek

A companion

A friend

A partner

A light

Within the darkness?

Or should i

Accustom myself

To the silken darkness

That engulfs

The essence

Of my being?

How do I know

Which I deserve?

How do I embrace

The true nature

Of this,

My solitude?

Is it merely

A passerby?

Or is it

A permanent resident?

~Shamshaad~

Truly alone

In that moment
my breath caught
and I came to realise
what it means 
to be truly alone...

in that fleeting glimpse
of an eventual end
this urge began 
to grow
to overwhelming heights...

Every day
Death comes knocking
and...
in a moment of weakness
or perhaps
great strength...

my reflexes urge 
my twitching arm
to fling open that door
and welcome Death
with open arms

they tempt me 
to fall deep 
into that
Dark embrace
and let myself
sink
into eternal solitude
to be
truly alone
forever 
after 
more...



~Shamshaad~

Tattling tears

Why do these tears
leave behind a trace
as they run down my cheek?

Why do they leave behind
evidence of the pain
that you have given to me?

Why do they not remain hidden
these saline remnants
of my aching heart?

I do not wish to share
that which goes on within
my troubled mind

yet these inconsiderate
gossiping tears
reveal my all...

~Shamshaad~