Without You

These moments without you

Make my heart ache with sadness

I did not appreciate you

When you were with me

I never realised

How much I would miss you

If you were no longer around

I did not expect

To lose you so soon

There is now this emptiness

Within my soul

That I cannot seem to fill

There are times

When it hurts so much

That I can’t even cry

I show the world

A smiling face

And a nonchalant attitude

I smile and laugh

And keep on a mask

I don’t think people realise

How fake this visage is

Even though the cracks

Are slowly starting to appear

I feel so alone

I no longer have any backup

And I have to fight my battles alone

I don’t even know where to begin

I don’t know how to face this world

Without your guiding light

I don’t know how to survive

Without you as my shield…

~S~

Warrior Queen

Though I may seem broken now,

Don’t let my fragile appearance fool you

I am slowly rebuilding my walls

And securing myself

The pain racing through me

Fuels my progress

Each cut that seals itself

Strengthens my shields

And each scar that is left behind

Is trophy of war

A weakling I am not.

I am a fighter

I am a soldier

I am a general

I will lead my army of one

Into battle

And emerge victorious every time

Until I win the war

And my fortress is secure

Never will you find me exposed and vulnerable

Never again will I be conquered

For I am A Warrior Queen

~S~

Playing the Fool

I feel foolish

Having given so much

Of myself to you

Knowing

That I am not

YOUR PERSON

I am not the one

With whom you share

Your hopes and dreams

When we’re alone

It seems as though

There is nobody around

Save for the two of us

And when we are apart

I am forgotten

You call out to someone else

When things are new

You call upon another

When things get tough

You reach out your hand

To hold those which aren’t mine

And I am left on the side-line

With no clue

How to play the game

~S~

Anxiety

The darkness seeps

Slowly into me

From my feet

Up towards my heart

Like rolling fog

Creeping gently

Onto the river

In the middle

Of the moonless night

My breath catches

My pulse races

My eyes blur

With unshed tears

My hands reach out

For support

Only to realise

There is none

I stumble and fall

Onto my hands and knees

I drag myself forward

Seeking safety and stability

Only to feel

The ground beneath me

Break away

Into a thousand pieces

I slide downward

Uncontrollably

Into the abyss

Tumbling

Into oblivion…

~S~

Grateful

Today, I was a bit low

And I know it scared you a little

You didn’t know how to comfort me

Or pull me out of my slump

Yet you didn’t give up on me

You did your best

To get me to smile again

You will never understand

How grateful I am

That you have never left my side

No matter how difficult things have become

You take my hand

And lead me to your inner sanctum

You play soft music

And wait for my reaction

When I don’t look up

You crouch by my side

And gently push my hair aside

You look into my eyes

Trying to read my soul

And you stay with me

Until you know

That I am completely with you once again

Body, mind and emotions…

So I thank you

With all that I have to give…

~S~

Time

It’s been so long

Since we’ve first connected

It feels as if

Millennia have passed us by

The emotions that have flown between us

Could flood the driest desert

We’ve forgotten more about each other

Than most others have tried to learn about themselves

The passage of time

Has been kind to us

Yet each day poses a new challenge

A new question and a new test

And each moment creates new memories

To replace those that have faded

Like photographs hidden

In a tin box under the bed

To be opened one nostalgic day…

~S~

Home...

You pull me closer

And it feels like I belong

Your arms provide a sanctuary

I never realized I needed

The rhythmic beating of your heart

Lulls me to calmness

You lower your head

And gently place your lips on mine

And I can’t help but smile

As this tender bubble of joy

Floats through me

Making my skin tingle

and setting me on slow fire

Finally, I understand…

Perhaps this is what home feels like…

~S~