Guilty Conscience...

These burdens

On my weary soul

Have isolated

My mind

And

Detached

My emotions

My link

To myself

Has been severed

By the Slave Master

That is

My CONSCIENCE

He is cruel

He never hesitates

To bring forth his whip

At the slightest

Misdemeanour

And poor me

Naïve me

Constantly

I forget

The sting

Of punishment

Repeatedly,

I pursue

The same

Iniquity…

~Shamshaad~

Emotional Rollercoaster...

Powerful emotions

Surge through

My tormented soul

An uncontrollable inferno

From the deepest pit

Of my shattered heart

The flames dance

Macabre silhouettes

Racing to the finish

This all consuming

RAGE

Deafening thunder

A storm of such magnitude

Ripped from my bleeding eyes

Unending whispers

All around me

Closing in

Drowning me

In _sorrow

~Shamshaad~

A vision of Loneliness

There are days

When this loneliness

Overwhelms me

Like a silken sheet

Flowing over me

With no end

And no beginning

It grips me tight

And holds me close

Making me realize

The potential

For both

My darkest fear

And

My deepest comfort

And in that comfort

I find despair

And in that fear

I seek refuge

Dare I hope

To find a way out?

Dare I seek

A companion

A friend

A partner

A light

Within the darkness?

Or should i

Accustom myself

To the silken darkness

That engulfs

The essence

Of my being?

How do I know

Which I deserve?

How do I embrace

The true nature

Of this,

My solitude?

Is it merely

A passerby?

Or is it

A permanent resident?

~Shamshaad~

Truly alone

In that moment
my breath caught
and I came to realise
what it means 
to be truly alone...

in that fleeting glimpse
of an eventual end
this urge began 
to grow
to overwhelming heights...

Every day
Death comes knocking
and...
in a moment of weakness
or perhaps
great strength...

my reflexes urge 
my twitching arm
to fling open that door
and welcome Death
with open arms

they tempt me 
to fall deep 
into that
Dark embrace
and let myself
sink
into eternal solitude
to be
truly alone
forever 
after 
more...



~Shamshaad~

Tattling tears

Why do these tears
leave behind a trace
as they run down my cheek?

Why do they leave behind
evidence of the pain
that you have given to me?

Why do they not remain hidden
these saline remnants
of my aching heart?

I do not wish to share
that which goes on within
my troubled mind

yet these inconsiderate
gossiping tears
reveal my all...

~Shamshaad~

Looking through the doorway

When I look into my eyes

And try to see

Through the doorway

That leads to my soul

I see a woman staring back

Who doesn't seem quite right

A hazy picture, slightly tilted,

Somehow complete yet not totally whole

I sense she has a message

A story straight from my psyche

About who I really am

Versus what the world perceives

She reaches out her hand

To place upon my heart

To deliver a message

I am unable to believe

This paranormal manifestation

Shows a monstrous creation

A thing of beauty and awe

Yet one so fearful

Strange and unusual

The oddest thing and then some more

She shows me confusion

An insightful intrusion

A blissful creature

With a playful nature

A human

A woman

Imperfect

yet so perfect

~Shamshaad~

Morbid contemplations

These hopeless moments

Make the burdens on your shoulders

Feel heavier than ever before

You can’t decide

Whether you must laugh or cry

Or whether you must end it all

There seems to be no end

Except for that bitter one

And then comes…nothing more…

You are down on your knees

At your weakest point

Unable to move or crawl

There lies a gun

Here is a knife

And some pills on which to overdose

Can you end it all?

How far have you sunk?

Is the end drawing close?

Can you leave it all behind?

The problems and the grief

And this bag of overwhelming sorrow?

Can you cause the pain

And end your life

Instead of facing tomorrow?

~Shamshaad~