I wish..

I wish you could read my mind

There's so much I need you to know

I wish I had the courage 

To take you on this journey 

To let you see

What you mean to me

To make you understand 

How you've helped me to grow

I wish I was brave... 

A warrior and a fighter

I wish I could tell you 

You make my burdens lighter 

I wish that you knew 

How vulnerable I am around you

I wish I could tell you 

I don't know how to deal without you... 

So many wishes 

Yet none will come true.. 

But always remember.. 

The most important person to me 

Is you...

~S~

More than friends

We often say to each other

That we are just friends, 

But I am unsure

If we are trying to convince 

Ourselves or each other... 

You are my shoulder 

When I need to be weak... 

I've got your back

When you need to be strong...

The mere thought of you 

Brightens an otherwise gloomy day... 

You are the first person 

That I wish to share my news with... 

Be it joy or sorrow or a mundane task... 

You're the one I run to 

With all of life's troubles... 

I'm the one you call 

When loneliness overtakes you... 

Minutes turn into hours

With conversations 

That can't be transcribed... 

Yet sitting in together in silence, 

Brings with it a special kind of comfort... 

How do we call us just friends... 

When it feels like so much more?

~S~

A little bit more

I wish you loved me
A little bit more
Than you do
Instead of
The mild affection
You have
Towards this person
Who occasionally
Makes life easier
I wish you thought about me
A little bit more
Than just in passing
When you see something
That reminds you
Of this person
Who sometimes
Crosses your mind
I wish that you wanted me
A little bit more
Than just when you
Are in the mood
To play a game
With this person
Who is always
Willing to be
Your toy
I wish I was
A little bit more
In your life
But I will settle
For the little bit
That I have...
It's a little bit more
Than nothing at all...
~S~

I call out Your name

I call out your name
When the moon is at its peak
I need the comfort
That only you can provide...

I call out your name
When the sun dances across the horizon
I need the warmth
That comes from your smile...

I call our your name
When storm clouds gather
I need the strength
That keeps me upright...

I call out your name
As the gentle rains wash over us
I need the energy
That gives me life...

I call out your name
For you are my everything
You are all that I need
And the only one I want...

~S~

Masks

I can't even begin
To describe
How hard it is
To put on this mask
On a daily basis
To pretend that
I am doing okay
To smile and carry on
As though
Parts of me
Aren't falling apart
Every second
How do I tell the world
That what they see
Is not the truth
It's merely
A well constructed lie?
Who do I complain to
That I am unhappy?
Who will listen when I say
That this smile
Hides a broken heart...
That this so called strength
Hides a terrified little girl
Who doesn't know where to turn
For help and comfort...?
Everyone is dealing
With their own problems...
So it's just easier
To put on the mask...
Smile...
And say...
I'm doing ok....
~S~

I needed you

Today was a bad day
I needed you to be there
I needed the comfort
Of your hand holding mine
I needed your soothing voice
To tell me everything would be ok
I needed your arms wrapped around me
Keeping me safe no matter what
I needed to look into your eyes
And know that you've got my back...
But when I held out my hand...
All I got was emptiness...
And when I called out your name
The silence echoed back at me...
The only arms holding me safe
Were my own...
So I picked myself up
And told myself that I was ok
And you know what?
It didn't matter that I was alone...
I realized...
All along I was equipped for this battle...
I just never knew
That I could unlock the door myself...
All this time wasted...
Waiting for someone else to save me...
When... In the darkest storm...
I saved myself...

~S~

Voices in my head

Some days
The voices in my head
Won't shut up
And all I want to do
Is place my palms
Over my ears
And scream and scream and scream
Until my screaming drowns
Them out
And some days
When it seems
That even that won't work
I want to take
The sharpest blade I can find
And cut myself open
To let the voices
Stream out of my system
And leave me alone....
Why won't they shut up?
Haven't I done enough?
Haven't I been through enough?
Why do they torment me?
Make them stop...
Please.. Have mercy
~S~