A State of Imprisonment...

These walls seem higher today

These bars seem closer

The invisible barrier

Tightens around me

This self-made cell

From which there is no escape

I push against this wall

A wall that I have built around myself

Willingly sentencing myself

To a lifetime in prison

They cannot be seen

Yet they have grown so strong

That even I, their creator

Cannot bring them down anymore

I look around me

For a means of escape

Only to realize

It’s just a curve in the wall

A bend, a corner

Around which

There lies nothing…

Nothing but another room

An empty space

An add-on to my cell

A mirage

An idea of freedom

Just another form

Of confinement

Changing the shape

Of the prison

Doesn’t set one free

All it does is

Simply create

An illusion

Of variety

In the mundanity

Of this hopeless life

~Shamshaad~

Oblivion...

Drifting away

Into the unknown

An the current

Of long-ago memories

The abyss of emotions

In a maze of thoughts

A well-guarded secret

In a hidden heart

I search for the key

That will unlock the mystery

To reveal the treasure

Within its many folds

To find out

That which I

Have hidden from myself

The me that I am now

Wishes to meet

The me that I was then

When you made me soar

Above the highest clouds

With hope and passion

Before I turned to

The other side of the coin

The sunshine after the rain

A walk down that road

Leading to sweet oblivion…

~Shamshaad~

Tears...

They chase each other

In a race to the end

These mischief tears

Running down these swollen cheeks

Falling from widened eyes

Wrung out from an aching heart

They haven’t a care in the world

As they reach the finish line

At the edge of quivering lips

Leaping over the barrier

To quench the thirst

Of a needy pillow…

~Shamshaad~

Free...

There’s a fear within me

A tightness within my throat

It’s strangling me with intensity

This strange knot I cannot dispose of

It wants to break free

It needs a release

I lower my head

The heat erupts behind my closed eyelids

An uncontrollable waterfall

An inferno of tears

Drip…drip…drip

Tinged pink with blood

Flowing from my bitten lip

As I try to stem the gush

That pours forth from my soul

The pink turns to red

As it mingles with my life force

Freely running down my arm

To puddle beneath my icy feet

Slowly the world begins to sway

Gently my eyes close

And I fall

Unfeeling

To the hard cold ground

Finally

I feel…

Wanted…

~Shamshaad~

The Voices within the Noises

When the fear within

Seeps through the cracks

Of a tainted mind

And gives rise to the chaos

You begin to hear

The voices within the noises

When the shadows grow

And the darkness thickens,

The static world surrounding you

Hums to life

You begin to decipher

The voices within the noises

When the silence looms

And engulfs your soul

The pressure beats incessantly

Against your fragile core

You begin to seek

The voices within the noises

They whisper sweetly

Gently coaxing

Pushing you to the edge

Till you feel yourself falling

Finally you become

One of the voices within the noises…

~Shamshaad~

Darkness

I fear the darkness sometimes...

Yet, somehow, I welcome the chance to hide within the confines of its shadows...  It nourishes the darkness within my soul and kills the pain that stems from being in the light for too long...

There is a place within me, a secret place where my fears are housed.  There is an intruder...someone who has learnt my secrets..someone who knows how to unlock the fear...someone who wishes for the darkness to be unleashed.

It is a fearful thing, this darkness.  It is a living entity with a mind of its own.  Once it has been set free, it is near impossible to re-tether.  My fear is that this darkness will spread to all the good in my past and darken the doorstep of my future.   It is a hungry creature...ever willing to engulf all that crosses its path

I cannot fathom the whens and whys of this unleashing...and I have no solution to reign it back in.  Perhaps, instead of running from the darkness, I should embrace this alternate life...?  Perhaps the time has come to permanently turn off the lights and be at one with the shadows....

Whether you conform or not, society will always criticise.  Why not embrace that which brings you "PEACE".  Peace is maybe not the appropriate word.  Sensory deprivation seems more apt.  That is the offer that this darkness makes, no more feelings, no bad words, no hurtful sights...complete and total darkness...silence...like a caterpillar within a cocoon, awaiting rebirth, a new life...new beginnings..

But first...

EMBRACE THE DARKNESS...

~Shamshaad~

Monsters

When the monsters

Become real

Where do we hide?

Who do we run to?

When we find

Within ourselves

The lurking darkness

Who do we turn to for light?

That which we see

When passing a mirror

Out of the corner

Of our eyes

That sly glint

Of potential evil

That lets us know

They are real

They no longer reside

Within our closets

Or under our beds

They live within us

Waiting

Watching

Biding for time

For the perfect opportunity

To shatter the bonds

And take over

To taste the freedom

Of being king…

~Shamshaad~